Top 5 Tips on How to Find a Therapist During a Divorce

Getting divorced can feel like your world is collapsing. There are so many unknowns, especially about what the future will look like. This uncertainty can be like standing in a dark hallway--scared, confused, anxious, you feel around for exit doors, alone.

But you don’t have to face this by yourself in isolation, and you shouldn’t. I asked Alison Bulman, a Garden City psychotherapist, on her top tips to securing the right therapist for you.

Forget the stigma and misinformation that you might be “crazy” or “weak” for seeking out professional support. Talking out your problems has enormous benefits. Researcher and Best-Selling author Brene Brown, noted, “When we deny our emotion, it owns us.” In other words, don’t keep all your feelings inside or they will come out in destructive ways such as anger outbursts, substance use, or depression.

Mental health is just as important as physical health, and you can try to regard going to a therapist like you’re going to the doctor for medical care. Just like preventive care helps you avoid illness, therapy can help you avoid things escalating to mental illness.

We are in a mental health crisis since the pandemic, and countless people are seeking support right now. Finding a good therapist can feel daunting, especially since many are full and unavailable.

So, for your overall wellness, here are five tips for finding a quality therapist in the midst of incredible demand. And with most therapists offering -online services now, it’s never been more convenient to access care.

  1. People you know (including your divorce lawyer)

Countless people today are in therapy whether you know it or not. So one great resource for finding a good therapist is people you know who can recommend theirs (as long as there’s no conflict of interest.) Also, knowing the unique trials and tribulations of navigating the emotions of divorce, divorce lawyers often foster relationships with therapists in their area to refer couples and individuals for counseling.

  1. Healthcare Providers

Your primary care provider is likely to have some referrals for you, as are other healthcare providers like your pediatrician or dermatologist. Don’t hesitate to ask who they would recommend and remember, many therapists have a specialty, so specify if it’s a struggle with substance use, for example, divorce and relationships, and you’re likelier to find a good fit.

3. Therapy Clinics

Clinics are another more affordable way to find therapy, as they tend to take more kinds of insurance. However, they often have longer waitlists to be seen. Get on the waitlist and they’ll reach out to you once a therapist becomes available. Also, some psychoanalytic institutes offer therapy with current students in training at a far lower rate: usually under $100. Keep in mind that “good therapy” often has more to do with the relationship you develop with the therapist, so don’t be discouraged by the belief that you’re getting less quality care with a newbie.


Whether you need someone who takes your insurance or are willing to pay out of pocket, is a great resource for finding someone to talk to. Keep in mind most therapists can only practice within the state they are licensed, so you must reside in that state. At HelloAlma, you just type in your zip code and it gives you all the names and contacts of therapists within that zone in whatever specialty you choose to search.


This site offers a larger pool of therapists, but it may be harder to find someone here who takes insurance. Note that lots of therapists have opted out of taking insurance because insurance companies pay them so poorly. Instead, many have dropped the insurance companies and instead charge “out-of-pocket” meaning you pay them directly for sessions. Costs in New York, which is more expensive on average, can range anywhere from $100-$400 per session. If you’re tight on cash, you can ask for a “sliding scale fee” that some therapists reserve for people in financial need.

Whatever your situation, don’t make the biggest mistake divorcing people make when it comes to their self-care that keeps them suffering unnecessarily: waiting far too long to ask for help. Take that first step to find a therapist. You, your family, your future, are worth it!